My list of reasons to stop smoking that I wrote and then barely look at:
- Live longer
- Don’t give cancer to loved ones
- Be around long enough to look after loved ones in their old age
- Be more fit
- Smell/Taste things
- Go places without worrying if I’m going to be able to smoke
- Save money
- Stop coughing
- Do audio/video stuff without coughing/wheezing down the mic
- Better circulation (my feet are constantly cold and I’m wondering if it’s because I smoke)
But like I said I haven’t looked at this list much since I put it up on my wall. It’s a decent motivational list but actually day-to-day you don’t consider these things. You’re just looking for ways to distract yourself. I find I can’t concentrate on very much at all and I’m sleeping all the time. I slept for 14 hours yesterday. I don’t know if this is my body adjusting to life without the stimulative effect of high doses of nicotine or a result of low mood brought about by chemical readjustment but it’s not normal, is it? I just feel completely out of it at the moment. And a motivational list can’t change your mood – it just reminds you why you’re bothering in the first place.
But I’ve gone from a 40 a day habit to just a few cigarettes when I occasionally lapse. It’s definitely progress. And the routine of a cigarette break every half an hour is gradually breaking down. I find I don’t think about it as much. Doesn’t stop you feeling like crap though. I can’t bring myself to write or do anything creative via the interwebs. Can’t even see the point of playing computer games at the moment. Just seems like a massive waste of time. Really waiting for these feelings to pass whilst struggling on.
And Star Wars. I love Star Wars but I find myself put off these great imaginative franchises because of the obsessive interest fans show in them. I’m following the progress of the new films and getting excited about them but when I see the excessive amount of thought and emotion people put into their fandom it really puts me off. I almost don’t want to call myself a fan. I’m a person who likes good stories told well. For god’s sake, they’re just stories. Do we really need another making of documentary? Another interview with Carrie Fisher? Another celebration of the art of Star Wars?
I’m a cynic and I’m glad about it.